1.1.2014 3:??? a.m. While bawling my eyes out three hours into my birthday may have been horrible, this moment opened the door for an amazing girl to come into my life. Alyssa changed my life. She helped me build friendships with other exceptional people and she continues to make me a better person everyday. I cherish the moment I decided to text her for help.
1. ???.2014 No idea what time The first day I talked to the teacher that would become my mentor was a good day. I opened up to him about my depression and things I was going through. He invited me to join his student workout groups, which immensely impacted me both physically and mentally.
3. 16.2014 Hopping off the plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan. Over spring break, my family went to California. I had never been to California and it was such a great trip. I was starting to come out of the depression and a relaxing, fun trip with my family was just what I needed.
5. 3. 2014 8:20 p.m. This is the day I published my blog post about my struggles with depression. A life-changing day. The support that poured in following was incredible. Writing about my experiences with depression and cutting helped me be a better version of myself. I’m more aware of other peoples’ feelings and my own.
6.12.2014 6 a.m. On this fabulous summer day, I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to go to the surgery center for my labrum repair. While I do not look fondly upon my surgery, it is what it is. I did it so I could run pain-free even if I don’t run anymore. It taught me a lot of things about myself and going through challenging times.
7.6.2014 Driving through Missouri I got in a fight with someone I really cared about this day. It was the first of several nasty fights with the same person. I was so upset that night that I tried to cut myself but didn’t. This was the beginning of several miserable weeks for me. However, the fight taught me how to be mature about conflicts.
8.13.2014 8 a.m. I stepped outside of my comfort zone today and danced at the freshman orientation. I would never do that before. I don’t care as much about what people think of me anymore I guess.
9.9.2014 8:30 a.m. Today I got my first AP chem test back and cried. Not joking. I got a D. I thought the rest of the semester was doomed and my grade was killed already. Fortunately, I worked harder and got a tutor and with a miracle finished the semester with an A.
9.???.2014 4:45 p.m. I’m driving to work one afternoon after coming home sick earlier in the day from school. I’m exhausted and accidentally run a red light when I see the left turn signal turn green. Unfortunately for me, a cop is behind me and sees the whole thing. I apologize profusely and he doesn’t give me a ticket. I’m close to tears when he lets me go and very embarrassed. I don’t tell any of my friends.
10. ???. 2014 7:55 a.m. I just hit someone’s car in the school parking lot while pulling in. Shit shit shit. I leave a note on the car with my number and text my mom. I called an auto repair store and set up a time to come in and get my sidelight replaced before my dad notices that it’s broken. A few days later, I get a text from the person I hit and later I talk to his mom. The whole ordeal costs me $400 but I pay in a heartbeat knowing it was my fault. I avoid parking next to anyone for a long time.
11.27.2014 10 p.m. It’s Thanksgiving and my dad’s birthday. I make it through the break without a breakdown which is 10 times better than last year when I cried my eyes out in front of my whole family and grandparents and cut myself.
12.1.2014 Today marks a year of not cutting. I celebrate internally until later when I publish a blog post.